Don't change horses.............until they stop running.
Strike while the............bug is close.
It's always darkest before...........daylight saving time.
Never underestimate the power of ........termites.
You can lead a horse to water but .............How?
Don't bite the hand that .........looks dirty.
No news is...................impossible.
A miss is as good as a...........Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new..........math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll........stink in the morning.
Love all, trust ............................me.
The pen is mightier than the ..........pigs.
An idle mind is...............the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's............pollution.
Happy is the bride who.................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is...................not much.
Two's company, three's ........the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what ....you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and....you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as............Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed ...........get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you.........see in the picture on the box.
When the blind lead the blind.........get out of the way.
From the mouths of babes....
The nerd joke of the day...
There are 10 types of people, those who will get this joke and those who won't.
Acts of Creation...
"Acts of creation are ordinarily reserved for gods and poets, but humbler folk may circumvent this restriction if they know how. To plant a pine, for example, one need be neither god nor poet; one need only own a good shovel. By virtue of this curious loophole in the rules, any clodhopper may say: Let there be a tree—and there will be one.
If his back be strong and his shovel sharp, there may eventually be ten thousand. And in the seventh year he may lean upon his shovel, and look upon his trees, and find them good.
God passed on his handiwork as early as the seventh day, but I notice He has since been rather noncommittal about its merits. I gather either that He spoke too soon, or that trees stand more looking upon than do fig leaves and firmaments."
Leopold, Aldo: A Sand County Almanac, and Sketches Here and There, 1948
The meditation word for today is...awareness
Laws of the Natural Universe...
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Sporting Event Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and during the most critical time in the game.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your Boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19.
Labels...
Mom: "It something they put on a person so you can hate them without getting to know them first."
The meditation word for today is...openmindedness
Cleaning the fuzz...
Yesterday, I read an article about drum corps practice techniques, and the author used the term 'cleaning the fuzz'. In the context of the article, it meant to work on a particular passage or routine to make it more precise and clear.
Activities that are 'fuzzy' lack clarity or precision, and applied, planned practice can 'cleaning the fuzz' or improve clarity and precision. Random practice is not as effective at this; you need a practice plan to show any real improvement. Set some goals, such as "I'm gonna learn this groove down pat!" and work toward the goal.
The meditation word for today is...clarity
The world's oldest profession...
Bailey: "Les, she works in the world's oldest profession!"
Les: "She's a farmer?"
The meditation word for today is...occupation
The secret to survival...
"It has occurred to me that a man need know but two sentences to survive. The first to ask for food, the second to tell a woman he loves her. If he must dispense with one or the other, by all means let it be the first - for surely if you tell a woman you love her, she will feed you."
The meditation word for today is...love
The best fashion advice I ever received!
The simplified business wardrobe for men: One gray suit with two pairs of pants, three blue shirts, one tie, one pair of shoes, and several identical pairs of socks.
Nobody notices what a man is wearing unless it's weird.
The meditation word for today is...awareness
Two equals one!
Try this one, math fans:
X = 1, Y = 1
X = Y = 1
X^2 = Y^2
X^2 = XY
X^2 - Y^2 = XY - Y^2
expand the above terms to get:
( X - Y ) ( X + Y ) = ( X - Y ) Y
then cancel ( X - Y ) on each side to get:
X + Y = Y, or
1 + 1 = 1 --> 2 = 1 !!!
Quotes from Arthur...
"I race cars, I play tennis, I fondle women. But - I have weekends off, and I am my own boss!"
"Are you a hooker?! Jezus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing great with you!"
"He's taking the knife out of the cheese! Do you think he wants some cheese?"
And here is one by Linda, Arthur's girlfriend, played by Liza Minelli:
"Why is it that you can make me laugh at the saddest time in my whole life?"
The meditation word for today is...laughter
The value of a teacher...
I read this quote recently in a guitar lesson book, but the comments hold for many other things"
"If someone comes to you or me for guitar lessons and they say, 'Come on, show me how to hold a pick.' what they are actually saying is, "Show me how to live my life." But that is often not what they believe is the question that is being asked."
The meditation word for today is...teacher
Vote early and vote often!!!
I voted before coming to work this morning. Only about a 10 minute wait in line. Our precinct uses the dreaded electronic voting machines!!! They seemed to be working smoothly to me!
It feels good to vote...do yourself a favor and go vote today. And if you have kids, take them along to show them what it's all about.
As Martha says, "It's a good thing."
The meditation word for today is...democracy
Things that make the pupils contract...
I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts
The meditation word for today is...enlightenment