Wisdom read on Twitter

If your mother drives you to school -- you ain't no gangsta. Pull your damn pants up!

Two moves? He's a player!

He's got two moves:
Squeeze the Charmin, and poke around down there like he's trying to pop a balloon.

~ Earl's mom, talking about Earl's dad's canoodling skills, on My Name is Earl.

I can't think of a reason, either!

All right, I'm out...
Why should I stick around here if there is no chance of us making out?

~ Puck on Glee

Eternal truth...

Every time a couple gets married, two single people die...

~ Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation