First, know when to engage. Arguments easy to start and hard to end. For a dispute to go well, it should be real, important and specific. You need to have a point to make, not just an emotional conflict or complaint to air. If someone has hurt you, figure out why; that becomes a real basis for argument.
Next, pause to consider how important that point is and whether it’s worth arguing over.
Finally, stick to the specific dispute at hand so that the argument doesn’t expand or spiral. If the disagreement really is over the dishwasher (and look, there’s often cause), don’t let it become a referendum on your marriage.
~ an article in the New York Times (How to Argue Well), paraphrasing Bo Seo's book Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard
